Sowing Seeds of Hope
- Immersion
- Aug 29, 2020
- 2 min read
It’s no secret that I love flowers. They make me smile and literally seem to lift my soul.
There was a time in my life when flowers were forbidden. I was a victim of domestic violence, and an abuser will seek to remove as much joy from his victim’s life as possible. But with that life behind me, as a thriving survivor who is reinventing myself, I have flowers in my life every single day.
If I don’t have a fresh bouquet on my dining table, I have my paintings of flowers, my Julie’s Bloomies magnetic flower pins (oh, how they make me happy!), and I make sure I see flowers everywhere. I’m not good at gardening, though. I guess that I never conquered that experience, and thinking about it now, consequences of my PTSD re-enter my thoughts.
I did make an attempt a few years ago to plant tulips in my new post-divorce home. It wasn’t easy, trying to fight the old messages playing in my head saying that I didn’t deserve to be happy. It was a beautiful day for planting one hundred tulip bulbs from Amsterdam. Not knowing much about planting, it took me from eight in the morning until six that night, with only a quickie break for lunch. I was so excited! The entire driveway would be lined in gorgeous yellow tulips—like a roadway to rejoicing.
I did not see one hundred tulips sprout into being. Not all of them became flowers. Some did. Some didn’t.
So, I waited. And I waited. Weeks passed, and finally, I saw little spurts of greenery budding forth, erect as if to say “Heneini”—Here I am! I can’t begin to describe my excitement. And then I waited some more.
Though I did not count as I planted, the invoice stated that there were one hundred bulbs. However, I did not see one hundred tulips sprout into being. Not all of them became flowers. Some did. Some didn’t.
When I planted them, I assumed all were going to be splashes of sunny yellow against the deep green lawn. I envisioned my own journey, a life of change and growth, as I awaited the rewards of my efforts. I checked to see if animals had dug up some bulbs. Didn’t seem so. Still, I waited.
“You just never know.”
Finally, I contacted the seller overseas, who told me that not all bulbs bloom. This upset me because I paid for one hundred tulips! And her answer was, “You just never know.”
Oh, did that response take me to a different place? This tulip experience reconnected me to what I already knew—that you just never know.
Because Everyone's Journey IS Different - Immersion is planting 1 Million Flowers in support of Survivors Worldwide. Consider giving a gift of $1.00 and we'll plant a flower in your honor.
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